I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
