Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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