what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
