I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
