This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
