I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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