she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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