Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
