i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
