She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
