Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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