so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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