Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
