The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
