I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
