I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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