We named our party play list daddy issues
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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