I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
