She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
