All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
