It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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