I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
