and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
