The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize