Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
