I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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