yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
