We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize