I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
