Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
