I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
