You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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