At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
