I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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