Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just found puke in my bra..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
