You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am available for nakedness
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
