Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
