I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
