I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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