i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
