my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize