whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
