its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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