I think I just saw someone hide a body.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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