my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
my liver is dry heaving
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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