my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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