This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize