Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
