I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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