just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
