We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
