So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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