i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
