i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
