Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
