My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
