she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
