Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
