k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
