so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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