He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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