he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
well you can't waste a boner
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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