So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
soo... how was my night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
