One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize