thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
