just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
