he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
