I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize