She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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