I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
