I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
