this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
