The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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