Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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